Dear Kim,

As with most people, I have experienced tragedy.  I am 38 years old and married with two young boys.  We have a third son that passed over in 2008 as an infant.  It happened while we were in the hospital, shortly after his uncomplicated birth at full term.  He stopped breathing at the hospital, was coded, and lived one day.  No real cause of death was ever found.

I have been listening to a lot of Oprah’s Lifeclass and Deepak Chopra.  I definitely feel my Soul and I’m trying to connect, but I am at the beginning of the journey.

My question is: How can losing a child advance my Soul?  Every other concern I might have seems so trivial.  It’s as if I can’t continue until I get the “answer” to my “why.”

Signed,

Questioning

Image by Silvana Sotgiu

Dear Questioning,

I am so very sorry for your loss.  I am also so sorry that I cannot tell you “why,” but what I can do is tell you something particularly important about your Soul Mission:  You need to continue, even without the “answer.”

Your North Node in Sagittarius in the Fifth House tells me a number of things, one of which is that in this life you need to let go of the idea that only when you have enough knowledge can you move forward.

I don’t think you could acquire enough knowledge to make you feel better about this event.  At some point, you are going to have to make the decision to move forward in a positive direction, and, when you do, your answers will start to come to you.

I get the sense from the tone of your emails – and from your chart – that you are a positive person.  That is good.  Your Sagittarius Soul is the eternal optimist and it is your job, when aligning with your Soul’s energy, to channel that optimism and to keep the faith.

You may feel uncomfortable about what I am telling you because it is possible that, in your search for answers, you reject the answers that come to you.  I say that only because I see it in your chart.

I challenge you to open your mind to the idea that you don’t need as much information as you think you need in order to fully participate in the creativity of your life.  I also challenge you to believe that the “answers” you seek are inside you, and they will come to you as you do step back in.

Strengthen your intuitive listening.

Over-thinking, over-validating and over-analyzing the situation is not the way for you to go.  Let go of logic.  Find natural ways to relax your mind and access the peaceful place inside you that leads you to your intuition… which will lead you to the Truth.  The Truth might be something you couldn’t even put into words.

I know this is your Purpose from interpreting your astrological chart.  What I know from listening to my own Truth is that your Soul wants to be the One to answer this question for you.  It does not want you to hear the answer from anybody else.

Stop looking for the answers outside yourself.  Look for your answers within.  Ask your Soul any and all of your questions.  Take a long nature walk – every day – and go there.

Get quiet, ask your Soul, then be patient.  Your answers will unfold over time.

Always remember that your life is a journey, an adventure even, and your deepest discoveries will come to you as you live it.

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Dear Kim,

I’m a 52-year-old woman who has never found her purpose in life… unless it is to raise my four children?  I’ve only had a few jobs, but I always left either because I was pregnant or on the edge of a nervous breakdown.  Although I’ve read spiritual, how-to, motivational books (and anything else that comes my way), plus I’ve taken two online courses, I still struggle to figure out what will make me happy enough to stick around.

Like most moms, I am present in my children’s lives, but it is theirs and it seems to me I should have mine. After twenty years of being a stay-at-home mom, I am now faced with an almost empty nest (I have an autistic son who lives with us), a bad marriage (we haven’t slept together in eight years and I don’t want to), and a lack of direction.

Can you help me?

Thank you,

Stuck

Image by Josephine Wall

Dear Stuck,

Staying home with your children may very well be part of your Mission.  Without your specific birth time and place, I cannot say for sure.  In any case, you’ve done it, so certainly it was an important part of your path.  It just doesn’t sound like it, alone, has made you happy.

With your birth date, I was able to see that your Soul is a Virgo.  It sounds to me like that part of your Mission you have not yet mastered.  Virgo has incredibly high standards.  Virgo can bring order out of chaos.  Virgo is the nurse, the nutritionist, or the organizational expert.

With your Virgo Soul, your purpose in life is to literally get your act together.  Your Virgo Soul wants to help you take control of your life and whip it into shape.  It also wants you to work hard on your part of the process.

Confusion is clouding your vision, and you need to come out of the clouds, because nothing will change until your goals are clearly defined.  You need to build your confidence, as that will help you make some critical decisions.

You say you’ve tried self-help books and online courses in your attempt at finding happiness, and I say you have to do more. Your Virgo Soul highly values both physical and mental health and It would actively pursue information regarding that.  Sometimes books and courses don’t cut it, and we have to try other methods in order to make breakthroughs.

One-on-one coaching, EFT, or past life regression therapy are all ways to help you get in touch with what is really holding you back from living a life of purpose.

It almost always comes down to emotions – like fear, shame, anger and sadness – that keep us stuck in unsatisfying situations.  Get in touch with your emotions, work them through and release them, and your life will transform.

This is a big job and you need to take it on methodically.  Ask your Soul to guide you through the process of analyzing your life and to give you the self-discipline you need to work at it.

Your next logical step should come to you soon.  Take it.

Follow me now, yo!  Facebook!   Twitter!   How Can I Help YOU?   Find Out YOUR Soul Mission!

Dear Kim,

I sincerely want to learn my Soul’s work.  I keep experiencing chronic job changes and I’ve been laid off a few times recently due to underperforming companies and issues unrelated to my performance. I am the type who wants to grow with a company.  I’m educated and talented and dedicated to my company; it hurts so much that these broken job situations keep occurring.  Since the last job loss, it’s been 5 months that I have been searching and I am still unemployed.  I give attention to this 7 days a week, I interview regularly and selectively, and still I am seeking to find my place in a stable, ethical, successful company near my home.

I know that all the techniques in the world will not allow this to happen if it’s not what my Soul wants.  So, I’m asking you – and my Soul – what It wants???  I am open to hearing my Soul’s answers, but this has always felt like a no win, long-term wrestling match struggle with my Soul.  I ask my Soul regularly to show me answers in my dreams, my waking life, etc., yet nothing has come.

Signed,

Searching

Dear Searching,

I’m really glad you wrote.  Consider my response as a way that your Soul is answering your questions.  You had followed up your initial question to me by telling me that you had found and listened to a recorded call about loving kindness, and the importance of treating ourselves with kindness first and then giving it to others.  I told you that that message has everything to do with your Soul’s work.

This is how our Souls speak to us – the answers don’t always come directly in our minds, but things will show up in our lives that “speak to us.”  The fact that this call touched you as much as it did meant that there was an important message in it especially for you.  In order to hear our Souls, the most significant thing we can do is pay attention to our emotional reactions.  Whenever you are ‘hit’ with something, consider that a message from your Soul.  Our Soul’s answers are not always obvious, but they are always there.  We do have to stay really aware to catch the messages.

As far as your Mission is concerned, your North Node is in the First House in Sagittarius.  I think that addressing the First House issues is where you need to put the most emphasis in this case.

Your astrological chart indicates that you have spent lifetimes depending on undependable people, submerging your identity in the affairs and ideas of others, and sacrificing yourself so that others could achieve their goals.  Now you need to turn all that around – put the accent of your life on yourself, not on your company.  Living in the shadow of other people and trying to be all things to all people is not where you are going to find success.  Forget cooperation, forget teamwork, forget trying to please others.  In this life, you need to please yourself.

The tricky part in this is not becoming too over-assertive, or establishing a sense of self that completely shuts others out.  Learning to balance your own needs with those around you would be doing your Soul’s work.

Unemployment is a blessing in this case because the time alone can really help you to form that sense of self, if you use your time for that.  You say that you are working 7 days a week on finding a new job.  Can you spend some of that time on yourself instead?  Pursue activities that are meaningful to you, go in your own direction, self-nurture, do your own thing.  I bet if you do, you’ll find a new job faster.

When it comes to work, look for something that allows you to follow your own instincts.  Becoming a leader, an innovator, a pioneer, an entrepreneur, or anything that requires initiative and independent action is the kind of work that would be best for you.  Sagittarius loves higher knowledge and teaching, so perhaps you could go back to school, or if you are already proficient in a particular area, can you teach or distribute your ideas on a mass level?

Your Soul Sign indicates that you have the potential to be highly intuitive.  If you don’t feel that you are there yet, I suggest working on that so that you can be sure to keep in touch with your Soul as you pursue your next career move.

Follow me now, yo!  Facebook!   Twitter!   How Can I Help YOU?   Find Out YOUR Soul Mission!

Dear Kim,

I need advice. I know that in order to get to where I want to be, I must be happy where I am.  I’m 23 years old and I live with my parents.  They are very restrictive and they think that “where I want to be” is really a terrible idea (therefore they do everything they can to keep me from doing it). I’m stressed out and feel like I’m living double lives (one where I try to get my parents off my back and one where I reach for my goals in secret). What can I do to be ecstatically happy where I am?

Signed,

Struggling

cafepress.com

Dear Struggling,

At your age, I don’t think you need your parents’ approval to be who you want to be.  You may want it, but it is not required.  Your chart indicates that you want power for its own sake, and this sounds like a power struggle is going on.  An extreme, all or nothing attitude is not where you are going to find happiness here, but looking for a third option in this situation will serve you well.

Can you be ok with working on yourself and your goals without sharing it all with your parents?  I’m sure your parents want the best for you, but that doesn’t mean they know what that is, so don’t give up on your pursuits.  Finding creative outlets for your passions should make you happy indeed.

When it comes to dealing with your parents, take a step back and look at them objectively.  Understanding what’s making them tick – without judgment – could also be very intriguing for you.  I know you can read people, so do it, and act accordingly.

In your communications, speaking to their listening will be the best way to get your message across.  You will probably have to lessen your intensity and increase your patience, which may be a total act, but faking it works.  Doing this may help you in communicating with others as you go through life too.

Withholding communication and withdrawing emotionally probably comes naturally to you, but that would be extreme.  Keep in mind that extremism is not your happy place.  Continue to look for that middle ground.

Have you ever read Desiderata?  I think you could get a lot of lessons out of that.

When all else fails, take a bath with lavender oil.  You have a Pisces Soul, and that would be a great place for you to connect with It.

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I value your feedback.  Therefore, I’m asking you for some!  Can you please help me improve my online life coaching business by taking this super-quick survey?  You can just copy and paste the Q’s into an email and send it to me at kim@soulestialservices.com.  (Doing so will NOT add you to my list.  I will not save your email address unless you want me to!)

I so appreciate hearing from you!  It’s only 3 questions.

1. What do you like about this blog/my business?
2. What suggestions do you have for improvement?
3. What’s your New Year’s Resolution?  (So I can help coach you through it!!)

Thank you so much!

Follow me now, yo!  Facebook!   Twitter!   How Can I Help YOU?   Find Out YOUR Soul Mission!

Dear Kim,

I have been reading about Islamic law and the controls that some Muslim men have over women, and it is unfathomable to me.  I am a Western woman and it’s not that I am anti-Muslim; I just cannot make sense out of the way women are treated in some parts of the world.  I have read that wives are considered slaves and sex toys, they can be beaten at will, they cannot obtain a divorce and they can even be killed in the name of “honor.”  Now I’m reading on your blog that our Souls create our lives.  Why would any loving and supportive Soul create a situation so horrible?

Signed,

Women’s Advocate

Image by Stephen Shepard

Dear Women’s Advocate,

Bad things happen to good people all over the world, and here is the best way I can explain it.  I believe we are on a path to have all the experiences we can have on the Earth, which means we’ll each go through this sort of thing at some point in our many lifetimes, if we haven’t already.  On Earth we are learning very basic Earthly truths; there is no other plane of existence where we can do so.

I also believe that, over the course of many centuries, we are evolving.  It’s like we start our journeys as “cosmic children” and we learn to become “cosmic adults.”

From an astrological viewpoint, approximately every 2,000 years a new age begins.  We are currently transitioning out of the Age of Pisces and into the Age of Aquarius.  Prior to the Age of Pisces was the Age of Aries.  Many of us are still learning lessons from the “Old Ages,” and I see signs of that here.

Aries, at its worst, is domineering, abusive, intolerant, and violent.  The Age of Aries had a lot of exciting developments and changes, but on the problematic side it could be described as “might makes right.”

Some problematic Piscean traits include codependence, being too submissive, timid and cowardly.  The Age of Pisces, among other things, is associated with extremism, sacrifice, feeling inadequate in our selfness, and the belief that martyrdom gets us to Heaven.  These traits are still strong in many of us.

There are a lot of women in the world who need to claim their male side – the part of them that is assertive, confident, courageous and independent (positive Aries traits) – just as there are men who need to soften and become more compassionate, sensitive, sympathetic and devoted (the best parts of Pisces).

Our Souls want us to learn these different facets.  If we don’t understand something we need to know, someone is going to come into our life to teach it to us.

Cases like these, I would say, are complicated (also karmic) lessons brought to women and men who need to learn how to be more like the other.  They are extreme examples, of course, of hard-learned lessons.

If only life was simple and easy, right?

Stories like this trouble me too.  My personal take-away, however, is an aspiration to continue to develop my masculine side: to strengthen my confidence, courageousness and willingness to take risks.  I know that’s what my Soul wants from me.  I know yours does too.

After lifetimes of victimization and centuries without equal rights, many women in the world today are now fortunate enough to have an opportunity to become independent, strong and happy.

A significant component of the New Age is about women becoming leaders in the world, yet that doesn’t always come easily or naturally to us.  We have to work at it.  You write that Islam needs feminism; I think it also needs women to develop masculinism.

Trying to affect change in the world is a daunting task.  I believe that each woman who learns to develop masculine traits within herself has the best chance of doing so.

P.S.  What do you think?  Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

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Dear Kim,

I live in New York City and I work in the financial services industry.  For many years I worked with men and it was so easy.  Over the last few years I have been working more with women and I am frustrated.

Women in business seem so catty! They aren’t my supervisors – they are my peers who are around the same age as I am and who are constantly trying to compete with me and with all the other women around.  They are just plain mean to each other and they do not want to help one another out!

I know it’s not just me who thinks this.  My best friend experiences it all the time too.  Why is it like this?  I want to know!

Signed,

Sick of It

Image by Veyron Supercharge

Dear Sick of It,

I have heard this complaint before, but not from everyone.  There are lots of women in business who experience this problem and lots of women in business who don’t.  The question here is: why is it happening to you?  Here’s my deep answer:

I believe that everyone in our life is there to teach us something about ourselves.  I believe that when we have an emotional reaction to something or someone, that is a message from our Soul telling us to look at that quality in ourselves. 

For example, are you in any way being competitive with others?  It may not be with the same people that are competing with you, and it likely is not.  Learning to interpret the messages from our Souls does take some maneuvering, so you’ll probably have to explore a little to find the message that is coming to you from this experience.

The great news is, when you learn the lesson that your Soul is presenting to you with this creation and take steps to make some personal changes, the problem will go away.  That is always my motivation to take responsibility for the problems in my life, and I find that it works.

I know how hard it is to own up to our own areas that need improvement (things we often don’t even realize we’re doing) and it is even harder to change.  But I think it is worth it because we really do get what we give – where and when we least expect it!

Do a little inner searching here and ask your Soul to help you understand the lesson.  It could also be karmic.

If you prefer a more surface answer, I would say: it’s hard out there for women in business and in life, and their struggles may lead them to mistreat each other without really meaning harm.  Give a girl a break, go the extra mile for someone, and I bet you’ll find someone who will do that for you in return.

Follow me now, yo!  Facebook!   Twitter!   How Can I Help YOU?   Find Out YOUR Soul Mission!

Dear Kim,

I live with my boyfriend and I do not have children.  My boyfriend’s teenage daughters stay at our apartment every other weekend.   He and his ex-wife have not set rules around having their kids do house work, so when they are at our home, they are lazy about it and it bothers me.

How do I establish responsibilities for them when they are clearly not accountable for this kind of thing at home, i.e. putting dishes in the dishwasher, setting the table, etc?

They will do all these things if I ask/remind them, but there is no forethought or habit for helping around the house.  I have to say, my boyfriend is not particularly good about this either, so they seem to follow his lead and I get to do all the cleaning.

Signed,

Doing It All

Photo by Melissa Ann Barrett

Dear Doing It All,

Sounds to me like a serious conversation is in order.  I do have kids, and I know it can be very challenging to get them to take responsibility for house work and I tend to do things for them, which is probably not the best idea, but is usually easier.  Having said that, my husband does a lot too!

I think this conversation needs to be between you and your boyfriend.  He would likely have more say in setting rules in your home with his children, and perhaps once you and he establish responsibilities, you can sit down and talk to the children together. 

I would suggest talking to your boyfriend when you are calm.  You can ask him if he feels it is your responsibility to clean up after everyone and, if so, why?  If he does not feel it is your responsibility, you can tell him that you feel that you are doing more than your fair share and you would like his help in cleaning up after himself and encouraging his daughters to do the same. 

Problems that arise in relationships are so often due to lack of communication, and it can just take asking a question that we don’t feel like asking in order to get an answer that we really want.  You do have to ask for what you want in life in order to get it! 

Follow me now, yo!  Facebook!   Twitter!   How Can I Help YOU?   Find Out YOUR Soul Mission

Dear Kim,

I have a four-year-old son with an August birthday.  My husband, son and I live in California where he would be allowed to enter Kindergarten in the fall, but it is not something we are certain we want to do.  It seems that all the parents are holding their children back these days and kids are starting Kindergarten at age six rather than at age five.

The teachers and staff at the preschools and elementary schools seem to widely support this movement.  They say that they recommend for boys, especially, to stay back.  The problem is, preschool is expensive and I am a working mom.  Putting my son into Kindergarten this fall would really be better for my husband and me, although I will not do it if it is not right for him.

His preschool teachers are indicating that he could go either way, and I don’t know what to do.  Can you help me figure out if my son is ready for Kindergarten?

Signed,

Loving Mom

Photo by woodleywonderworks

Dear Loving Mom,

Based on your son’s chart, early education is actually part of his Soul Mission, so this is an important time in his life.  I think the biggest decision here isn’t necessarily if he should go to Kindergarten or not, but rather which Kindergarten he should go to.  Do you have options?

Your son is going to be sensitive to his environment, so being in a school that isn’t too hectic and crazy would be best for him (I know some public schools are overcrowded).  He wants you to provide good balance and harmony for him.  Can you find a peaceful and loving school environment?  Don’t be afraid to do something different than ‘everyone else’ when it comes to him.

He wants his dad to teach him to be confident & strong, so perhaps your husband can help him adjust to Kindergarten when the time comes.  Your job is to teach him social skills.  Your involvement in helping with the transition will make a huge difference.

Be sure to ask your Soul about this too.  Using your intuition to figure out what is right for him is part of your job.

Good luck.

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